


Guilt

by WarriorBeeoftheSea



Series: Carry On Countdown 2019 [20]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Carry On Countdown (Simon Snow), DEC 14 - Fairy Tale/Myth Retelling, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:21:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21772864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WarriorBeeoftheSea/pseuds/WarriorBeeoftheSea
Summary: I've figured out how to prove Baz is a vampire. I mean, I'm fairly confident in my plan, this time. It's even fairly simple.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: Carry On Countdown 2019 [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1557757
Comments: 6
Kudos: 82
Collections: Carry On Countdown 2019





	Guilt

**Author's Note:**

> This is a bit heavy, sorry. I promise I have humor queued up shortly.

**Baz**   
When I get back to school after summer holidays, Snow is already in our room.   
Of course he is. This is our sixth year together, and I've never known him to do anything different at the start of term. I don't know where Simon goes during the holidays, but where ever it is must disagree with him too much for him to stay a single day once school opens.   
I feel guilty. I try not to look at him, sat on his bed, while I unpack my things. (It's not difficult; everytime I glance at him he's staring me down.)   
I feel guilty for how I spent my summer. Hiding in my room, hand down my trousers, thinking of  _ him. _ Thinking of him so much I feel sick.   
I am so fucked. The feelings were meant to go away, but they're worse now than ever.   
_ Why is he watching me so intently? _ I could scream. Or cry. I don't know if I have the strength to deal with another year of this.   
"Do you need something from me, Snow?" I'm facing away from him, but can feel his eyes on me.   
He startles. "What? No. Why?"   
I don't answer, but turn and sneer at him. I want to throw an insult at him, but I don't have the stomach for it just now.   
"You're staring, Snow."  _ And I can't handle it. _ I grab my toiletry bag, and stride into the en suite to put my things away. I pause, hand on the sink. And then close the door. I need as many barriers between me and Simon Snow as possible.   
**Simon**   
I've figured out how to prove Baz is a vampire. I mean, I'm fairly confident in my plan, this time. It's even fairly simple.   
I have him right where I want him. So why do I feel so guilty about it?   
**Baz**   
Simon is already asleep when I come back to the room after visiting the catacombs. I'm glad of it. I don't want to be looked at right now by anyone, much less  _ him. _   
I strip down and put on my pyjamas and climb into bed. I missed this bed. And not just for its proximity to  _ Simon's _ bed. I turn on my side to look at him.  _ Why am I like this? _   
Sleep doesn't come easily. I can't help but toss and turn.  _ There's something wrong with me. _   
Flashes of thoughts from the summer.  _ Fantasies. _ About Snow. And he's right there, almost close enough to touch.   
I roll onto my back, and sigh. I feel ill. I'm imagining his fingers on my skin, and I feel ill. Everything hurts.   
_ There's something wrong with me. _   
**Simon**   
Baz looks like shit. Has done for a few days now.   
I should be glad of it, right? My plan is working.   
So why do I feel so guilty?   
**Baz**   
I think I hate myself. Every part of me hurts, and I think I've done this to myself. This stupid infatuation with Snow is eating me up from the inside.   
If I were a better man I could brush it off.   
I'm not sleeping well at night. I skip football practice to sneak up to our room. Maybe I can get in a good kip while Simon is out.   
But my mind wanders while I'm in my bed. And then, so do my hands.   
**Simon**   
I think it's time to confront Baz.   
**Baz**   
The moment I finish I feel like crying.  _ There's something wrong with me. _ My slow, undead heart hurts, and I curl in on myself.  _ Don't cry. _   
I make myself get up and stumble to the en suite. I close the door and sink down against it, and let myself cry.   
**Simon**   
Baz is crying in the loo. I can hear him.   
_ What have I done? _   
My heart races, and I feel sick. I've hurt him.   
_ Wasn't that the plan? _   
I rush to Baz's bed and lift the mattress. The tiny silver cross is still there, tucked underneath.   
I have to take it back.  _ I didn't want to hurt him like this. _   
I grab the cross, yank it from where I fastened it to the mattress.  _ Stupid idea. What's wrong with me. _   
I put the cross in my pocket and try to straighten Baz's bed again.   
_ There's something wrong with me. _   
I sneak out of the room, and Baz is still crying.   
**Baz**   
It's like a dam broke. I just needed to cry my eyes out. I sleep much better after that.   
But I still can't look at Simon.   
**Simon**   
I can't look at Baz.   



End file.
